If your sacred women’s circle has become an unsafe place for you to be, if one of your circle sisters is flirting with your husband, if one of your circle sisters is speaking about you and sharing your circle talking without your permission, if you are feeling beholden to this group of women’s expectations and feel like you have to shut your true self down in order to stay there, then you have two big questions to ask yourself.
Are you lovingly able to express your true self safely with these women? And if not who are you betraying if you stay? Are you standing as the loving expert of your world? And if not, who are you giving your power away to?
It would be so easy for me to say if it’s got this bad then it’s time to ditch and run. But spiritually speaking these situations turn up in our lives (however unwelcomingly) to help us make meaning AND if we don’t do the deeper inquiry that these situations require, then no matter where we run to, the painful situations will follow..
When women’s circles reach this place of betrayal and misuse of power, there is a deep and cathartic call for healing, grieving and loving like a fearless grown-up.
There is also another call for a deep dive into the paradigms around women’s inhumanity to women and yet another call to F*ck the patriarchy, but that’s another story.
When women’s circles reach this type of difficulty one major thing has happened, your founding parameters have been broken and your sacred circle has devolved into mundane space and this calls for very clear, if not ruthless evaluation.
I have been in and out of circles for nearly 30 years and there are two things that I believe make the difference between a sacred women’s circle and regular life. The first is the intention that formed the group. To make something sacred is to place it out of the ordinary, into a realm of reverence. We join together in a sacred circle to do just that, to behold, experience and dissolve into each other’s capacity to see and know each other as Divine and Sacred beings.
The second is the creation of circle parameters, the guidelines through which all women in your circle agree to adhere to in order to create reverence and keep each other safe. You can’t hold water without a bowl. The ocean is only as deep as the land beneath her. The clearer the circle guidelines, the safer it is to allow the full magnificence of the wild untamed feminine to rise. Parameters create depth. Parameters create safety.
Another time we will get into a conversation about how circle parameters can create control issues and limit creativity, but that is more a conversation about authenticity and sovereignty. This conversation is about staying safe in a nest of thorns. My advice, make the thorns into the edge of your circle nest. Use your deepest insight and softest needs as a creation point for the clearest circle guidelines you can adhere to. Then return to your parameters over and over again, until they guide every level of integrity in your life.